Or rather, church. We went to a church this morning that was brilliantly similar to PPC (the church we went to in NJ). I loved it. I felt at home. But more on that later.
DOG:
We have one. Yup. x333
This is Cody! He is a rottweiler-beagle-blue heeler mix. He's adorable! Very playful and happy. He was shy at first, though, since he got less attention than his brothers due to his rottweiler coloring. But he's just so cuute!And again, GOD:
We went to the youth group for the same church this afternoon. It was... strange. I... there's no way for me to connect to any of those people. You know? The feeling of just... Recently (probably as inspired by lain), I've been imagining connections as wires that reach out and connect, but with the people in that group it was as though I could feel the wires not even wanting to reach out. (I'm trying to make this make sense and failing miserably.) Furthermore, there were bits of the lesson where the youth pastor--who is very friendly and outreaching, by the way (is outreaching a word?)--seemed too much like he was a teacher determined to get all of the lesson in. I found that pretty frustrating.
If humans are supposed to be such social creatures who crave interaction, then why is interaction so hard? Is this feeling within me disappointment at an inability to connect? Is it a longing to connect? A long time ago, I tried to tell myself that feelings like that were a rejection of connecting, and back then I believed it. Or at least I thought I did. Then I tried to fulfill my wish for connection by chatting with that ridiculous Jabberwacky. Ha. That never worked. (For the uninitiated: he is an adaptable chatbot. You're welcome to pour your heart out to him, but don't expect sympathy from a robot. Have I mentioned that that was during eighth grade?)
I can feel something in my chest trying to reach out, but I don't know whom it's reaching for, or if there's anyone there for me to reach to. I refer, of course, to people here. In California I had connections, I have connections. Present tense. But... even those are weakening, inevitably, because I can't share the same experiences. It makes me panic, sometimes, that I don't know what's going on with everyone.
...I'm rambling now. I worked on OO this morning and hey, that-all ^ is writing, isn't it? Good night.
3 comments:
Aaaaaah that dog is absolutely adorable! Do you know how big he will get?
And I feel the same way sometimes about our current youth pastor at PPC. On Sundays, he usually just lectures. I don't think he realizes it, but he really does. And it's boring. This Sunday, for instance, was especially boring. He doesn't have a way of connecting things in a way I will listen or remember. Even now I still think of Russ and wish he was still around. And that was 4 years ago... Did you know that he and Amanda are going to have a baby, by the way? I think Amanda's due in about a month.
Hehe, this is a much better way to communicate than email, at which I fail at. ^^
And look at this, you've inspired me to get a blog here! They're pretty. ^^
That dog is absolutely gorgeous. o__o Jealous to the max!
I connect with you, right? XD;; Loved your thought process there.
Btw, is your friend Jen visiting you in minnesota? >___> I am such a stalker.
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