Let's start off with a meme. (This girl is obsessed with memes.)
Except that I can't find the one I'm thinking of. Poo.
Have I any resolutions?
Well, exercise more. Write more. (Vague is bad!) Exercise at least thrice a week; write daily. Better? Even if it's just babbling about Jindal's lovely unnamed world/story.
Also, I need to take more initiative. I don't know how that can be made un-vague.
Finally, R.G. had a very good idea for a resolution: start keeping my cell phone where I can hear it!! We're making that resolution together.
Clearly this girl doesn't feel like seriously thinking right now.
But a lot happened this year.
We moved. That was the biggest. And I haven't had a mental breakdown yet. (Yessss!) No repeat of eighth grade, please and thank you most sincerely.
I freaking babble too much. :C Do you ever want to be taken seriously? (Talking to oneself will not help.)
Siiiigh.
Shall we call it style and move on?
I am... fairly happy here, when I let myself be. Minnesota is not where I would like to be living, but other than the complete lack of AP classes, SHS is... not all that bad. And I have the Table.
If any of you Table members happen to stumble across this... I mean none of this in offense. I love you all (platonically of course), and our little circle (...literally, a circle) helps me a lot.
But... There's always this part of me that wonders if I'm betraying my lunch group from California. The rest of me (the Yomi part, the Miranda part) knows that this is a ridiculous way to look at things, but since that's the part of me that also tries to make me "normal," I'm not used to accepting what she says as reasonable advice. Sigh. Something else to work on in the new year...
God has, in many ways, shown me that He is... well, supporting me, rather than ignoring me. (Here and here, for example.) Even though I'm hardly any real use to Him and can never work up the initiative to change that fact.
Yosh'! 2008. My graduation year! Let's get it started!
12.31.2007
12.26.2007
I'm about to attepmt something interesting.
That interesting thing is watching two more episodes of Death Note. In English.
For your benefit (what? Whose? And how is it beneficial?) I will record my comments HE'A.
First comment: it is so difficult to FIND these freaking episodes. :C Oh, THERE they are. Okay. I should start with the FIRST one I haven't seen.
Load darnit.
Okay fine.
WTH. >_> "L and Chief Yagami look at Light while Light looks at some pretty weak pornography." -twitches hopelessly- Cartoon Network is not my friend.
Wait, I've seen this bit already, haven't I? (Why aren't you arranged by freaking EPISODE?)
L'S VOICE DISPLEASES ME. SEVERELY.
THIS ISN'T IN ORDER. DIEDIEDIE.
Okay you know what. Forget the episode/s that I missed. I'll watch the newest one.
Okay. I'll give you points for the r/l thing on Kira. BUT you lose fifty times that number of points for L's voice.
No, make that like... oh I don't even know. A billion. My ears, they bleeeeeeeed!
Six? Tennis doesn't go to six. ...What?
Oh, that was cute, to have Ryuk jump out of the way. Even though he could just make it go through him. >_> And DON'T say it's because of the speed, bullets are a heckuva lot faster than a tennis ball.
"Wait, that doesn't sound familiar!" "...Oh, right, that's a paragraph I don't read..." Lazy girl. ...But it REALLY doesn't sound famililar... ...Aheheh, yep, that's merely because I haven't been reading it.
I should technically be pinkbooking this right now.
"'A lot' more capable" Come ON, have you no sense of... AESTHETICS?! (That is hardly a valid word to use.) Say "much," at least. And was yuunou...? Okay, that's right. I have to remember that "has brains" means "capable." (Japanese makes sense, except for when it doesn't.)
-scene. D: Don't we get to know that this tennis guy's a playboy?
OHOHOH does that Kyoko girl and her bad-taste friend, do they exist?
Ahahah. That was such twisted thinking. Like that hamburger thing. Dang, can't find it on google. (Google has failed me? D:) But it's like... Light wants fast food. Should he go to Burger King? But no, Kira would want to go to Burger King because of the "king." So he should go to McDonald's. But what if L figures out that he's going to McDonald's so he DOESN'T go to Burger King... and it goes on for like FIVE MINUTES. EDIT: I found it! It's nuts. XD
Oh look, there they are.
Oh right. Another thing I don't read 'cause it's rather... overblown. xD;
It makes me unhappy that L loses. :C Even though it can't possibly be because she said she decided around the end of four. (Who the heck keeps track of these things?!)
So someday I'll get to see that one scene in the rain that doesn't exist.
Am I wrong about "umai iikata" (...-nado? wasureru nante... p'fail.) being sort of a sarcastic "you say what I want to hear"? D: (Oh wait, I haven't forgotten. Umai koto iu na Near... desu ka? Sounds like a negative command... It's not ne, is it? Ahhh, "iu ja nai ka." Well mostly I was talking about the iikata bit anyway.) (Yeah, sure.) (Can we possibly get back to the arc we're on, hmmm?)
I abuse parentheses.
I feel... anti-Wii-ish. (What?) Normally when making an anime they'll flip things, something about drawing or something... but these are correctly oriented.
One thing that makes me sad about watching dubbed anime is that they have to stick extra talking in to make it match the flaps. (Ooooooh, jargon.)
Four creams. XD; But Light should have one... *just spotted this*
I THOUGHT so. The file thing first. :C Actually first of all is the "Sooo why did I tell you I was L?"
Letter, kana, same difference, right? XP Come ON. You're dealing with Note fans here. We're intelligent. Though I've heard that we're picking up some stupid people now that it's on television. Bleh.
Sigh. Grammatically irreconcilable, I know, but to have it dismissed that easily... It's still a valid sentence, though twisted around a bit, in Japanese. What did those two wackos call it? Iku no? Tokyo.
WTH. XD; That was... clumsily done. Oh well. They made it into a sentence, at least, and preserved the meaning.
So they're like LOLOLOLOL who needs filetimes? BD Shine. ...That says shine. Not quite as threatening as I was intending. 死ね！
Countless. Try... *counts on fingers* five. L, I know your mind is beyond human comprehension, but you should try to hold on to basic counting skills, too.
Love, you're supposed to be listening to the dialogue, not the music. You can go and listen to L's Theme B (twitchfest) whenever you like.
Speaking of the twitchfest title. I've been meaning to look into that. I mean seriously. D: You couldn't have called it L's Theme II or something, no, it had to be DISTRACTING.
Yagami Light Yagami Light. It's always full name in his head. He's thinking so there are no flaps. Do it. :C
Did I mention that a few nights ago I dreamt about L's cell phone ring? At least, something that I labeled "L's cell phone ring" in my head. Anyway, I bring this up because I think it really did sound like that. But I hardly remember... Meh, I'll check in a second.
Oh, jeez, that's only half the episode. Look at me babble. Babble, WOI, babble.
"So the doctors think stress was the only cause?" That sounds ridiculous. No, Light, the doctors specifically said that it may be Kira's doing. I don't think that's valid quite yet; we're staying in the first arc, remember? (Jeez, it creeps me out how far the world goes.) (It's "no darou ka" in the manga, no mention of doctors.)
Riyuzaki? Is it THAT hard to say Ryuu? XP
I often wonder if it really is pronounced Luxaky. >___> That odd book...
WTH kind of depressing thing is that to say? It won't be too late to join this when you're done? What? That is what it says, but... sheesh. True or not, that's depressing.
Yes, we know you refuse.
I love that. "Wait, this is too corny... one percent..." Yup, he's a ham actor all right.
Pointy chins~
Oh hey. What happened to the bit about accusing Sayu? L has such a cute, "Don't blame me ;;" look there.
:/ I disagree with that wording. I like the simple, "That feels awful." I'll take the past tense, because it does say narimashita, but... meh. Darn the flaps. (...And the card, but that's another matter altogether, and I've never seen the card.)
Just a point: Dou mite mo Light is not normal.
Lack of seatbelt. XD;
Luee. Might as well give both full names. >____>
Yeah, like I said, Light: dou mite mo, NOT NORMAL.
She-knee-GA-me. Ugh.
Ewww. Demegawa is down there with Takada for least. favorite. characters. EVER. (Takada still wins, of course, or loses, depending on how you'd rather look at it.) Hmm... both television idiots...
His voice sounds familiar. And stereotypical. :C
Oh you're right. That IS too good to be true.
Wait for it, Deme, it'll come. Not nearly quick enough, but it'll come. Mikami's first truly useful action. (Except for that it results in Takada.)
For your benefit (what? Whose? And how is it beneficial?) I will record my comments HE'A.
First comment: it is so difficult to FIND these freaking episodes. :C Oh, THERE they are. Okay. I should start with the FIRST one I haven't seen.
Load darnit.
Okay fine.
WTH. >_> "L and Chief Yagami look at Light while Light looks at some pretty weak pornography." -twitches hopelessly- Cartoon Network is not my friend.
Wait, I've seen this bit already, haven't I? (Why aren't you arranged by freaking EPISODE?)
L'S VOICE DISPLEASES ME. SEVERELY.
THIS ISN'T IN ORDER. DIEDIEDIE.
Okay you know what. Forget the episode/s that I missed. I'll watch the newest one.
Okay. I'll give you points for the r/l thing on Kira. BUT you lose fifty times that number of points for L's voice.
No, make that like... oh I don't even know. A billion. My ears, they bleeeeeeeed!
Six? Tennis doesn't go to six. ...What?
Oh, that was cute, to have Ryuk jump out of the way. Even though he could just make it go through him. >_> And DON'T say it's because of the speed, bullets are a heckuva lot faster than a tennis ball.
"Wait, that doesn't sound familiar!" "...Oh, right, that's a paragraph I don't read..." Lazy girl. ...But it REALLY doesn't sound famililar... ...Aheheh, yep, that's merely because I haven't been reading it.
I should technically be pinkbooking this right now.
"'A lot' more capable" Come ON, have you no sense of... AESTHETICS?! (That is hardly a valid word to use.) Say "much," at least. And was yuunou...? Okay, that's right. I have to remember that "has brains" means "capable." (Japanese makes sense, except for when it doesn't.)
-scene. D: Don't we get to know that this tennis guy's a playboy?
OHOHOH does that Kyoko girl and her bad-taste friend, do they exist?
Ahahah. That was such twisted thinking. Like that hamburger thing. Dang, can't find it on google. (Google has failed me? D:) But it's like... Light wants fast food. Should he go to Burger King? But no, Kira would want to go to Burger King because of the "king." So he should go to McDonald's. But what if L figures out that he's going to McDonald's so he DOESN'T go to Burger King... and it goes on for like FIVE MINUTES. EDIT: I found it! It's nuts. XD
Oh look, there they are.
Oh right. Another thing I don't read 'cause it's rather... overblown. xD;
It makes me unhappy that L loses. :C Even though it can't possibly be because she said she decided around the end of four. (Who the heck keeps track of these things?!)
So someday I'll get to see that one scene in the rain that doesn't exist.
Am I wrong about "umai iikata" (...-nado? wasureru nante... p'fail.) being sort of a sarcastic "you say what I want to hear"? D: (Oh wait, I haven't forgotten. Umai koto iu na Near... desu ka? Sounds like a negative command... It's not ne, is it? Ahhh, "iu ja nai ka." Well mostly I was talking about the iikata bit anyway.) (Yeah, sure.) (Can we possibly get back to the arc we're on, hmmm?)
I abuse parentheses.
I feel... anti-Wii-ish. (What?) Normally when making an anime they'll flip things, something about drawing or something... but these are correctly oriented.
One thing that makes me sad about watching dubbed anime is that they have to stick extra talking in to make it match the flaps. (Ooooooh, jargon.)
Four creams. XD; But Light should have one... *just spotted this*
I THOUGHT so. The file thing first. :C Actually first of all is the "Sooo why did I tell you I was L?"
Letter, kana, same difference, right? XP Come ON. You're dealing with Note fans here. We're intelligent. Though I've heard that we're picking up some stupid people now that it's on television. Bleh.
Sigh. Grammatically irreconcilable, I know, but to have it dismissed that easily... It's still a valid sentence, though twisted around a bit, in Japanese. What did those two wackos call it? Iku no? Tokyo.
WTH. XD; That was... clumsily done. Oh well. They made it into a sentence, at least, and preserved the meaning.
So they're like LOLOLOLOL who needs filetimes? BD Shine. ...That says shine. Not quite as threatening as I was intending. 死ね！
Countless. Try... *counts on fingers* five. L, I know your mind is beyond human comprehension, but you should try to hold on to basic counting skills, too.
Love, you're supposed to be listening to the dialogue, not the music. You can go and listen to L's Theme B (twitchfest) whenever you like.
Speaking of the twitchfest title. I've been meaning to look into that. I mean seriously. D: You couldn't have called it L's Theme II or something, no, it had to be DISTRACTING.
Yagami Light Yagami Light. It's always full name in his head. He's thinking so there are no flaps. Do it. :C
Did I mention that a few nights ago I dreamt about L's cell phone ring? At least, something that I labeled "L's cell phone ring" in my head. Anyway, I bring this up because I think it really did sound like that. But I hardly remember... Meh, I'll check in a second.
Oh, jeez, that's only half the episode. Look at me babble. Babble, WOI, babble.
"So the doctors think stress was the only cause?" That sounds ridiculous. No, Light, the doctors specifically said that it may be Kira's doing. I don't think that's valid quite yet; we're staying in the first arc, remember? (Jeez, it creeps me out how far the world goes.) (It's "no darou ka" in the manga, no mention of doctors.)
Riyuzaki? Is it THAT hard to say Ryuu? XP
I often wonder if it really is pronounced Luxaky. >___> That odd book...
WTH kind of depressing thing is that to say? It won't be too late to join this when you're done? What? That is what it says, but... sheesh. True or not, that's depressing.
Yes, we know you refuse.
I love that. "Wait, this is too corny... one percent..." Yup, he's a ham actor all right.
Pointy chins~
Oh hey. What happened to the bit about accusing Sayu? L has such a cute, "Don't blame me ;;" look there.
:/ I disagree with that wording. I like the simple, "That feels awful." I'll take the past tense, because it does say narimashita, but... meh. Darn the flaps. (...And the card, but that's another matter altogether, and I've never seen the card.)
Just a point: Dou mite mo Light is not normal.
Lack of seatbelt. XD;
Luee. Might as well give both full names. >____>
Yeah, like I said, Light: dou mite mo, NOT NORMAL.
She-knee-GA-me. Ugh.
Ewww. Demegawa is down there with Takada for least. favorite. characters. EVER. (Takada still wins, of course, or loses, depending on how you'd rather look at it.) Hmm... both television idiots...
His voice sounds familiar. And stereotypical. :C
Oh you're right. That IS too good to be true.
Wait for it, Deme, it'll come. Not nearly quick enough, but it'll come. Mikami's first truly useful action. (Except for that it results in Takada.)
12.19.2007
Things I have to do
Primarily, essays to write:
Yale: I forget the prompt.
Middlebury: How the community I grew up in influenced me
Finish editing first essay
-
Submit a college essay to http://campuslife.collegeprowler.com/the_scholarship.asp
...I'm over it. >__>
Yale: I forget the prompt.
Middlebury: How the community I grew up in influenced me
Finish editing first essay
-
Submit a college essay to http://campuslife.collegeprowler.com/the_scholarship.asp
...I'm over it. >__>
12.18.2007
I have to come up with thirty characters.
Thirty. D: Three of whom are main. And of course those three are already created. I have a few others--a crude royal guard (with plot), a vague idea of Sirinka's father (without plot), a name for one of the doctors (Surefdu! no plot), an idea for plot for another part of the doctor family (no personalities).
...
Anyway, Seasons awaits.
...
Anyway, Seasons awaits.
12.17.2007
Argos' Forest is finished... AND I have a story for Jindal... AND I now have a cause.
-deep breath-
In that order:
And. It's true; I have a story for 'dalu. (Yup, that's his nickname!) It involves him being a ghost rather than a weight watcher. (I hate the word deity so much.) And it's really complicated and kind of still undeveloped, so I can't really describe it, but... I'm so excited.
And! I have a cause now.
Let me explain. For a while I have been lamenting the fact that I'm kind of... selfabsorbedandcauseless. Like there was nothing that I've ever been like, "I want to give my heart to that." (excessive misuse of "like," there.)
But today I found something I think I can really... be part of. Here's how it happened.
I update my twitter during my free period. (Bad WOI!) And recently I've started looking at the new LOLcats too. (REALLY bad WOI!) And today I spotted an ad for the Smile Train. (On i can has cheezburger, yes. Random, yes.) (Can we perhaps stop with the parenthetical asides?)
Why haven't I ever thought of this before? I had a cleft lip and palette when I was born. I've benefitted from these surgeries. (Though not from ST, because the US is lovely&advanced.) (Excuse me, parentheses?!)
So that was on my mind. And I've mentioned this a few times in the past, I think, but God likes coincidences. At Esther's Circle tonight, I was doing the whole mental, I know God wants me to use my talents and experiences for Him, but how? thing like I always do. And we were doing this affirmation thing, where we went around the table and commented on what gifts God had given us, and like five people commented on my smile. My smile! The one that took five billion surgeries. The one I've always been so insecure about. My cleft-lip smile.
Does God fix up little coincidences like this in everyone's life, or does He have something special planned for me? Either way, the way He lines things up to drive his point home never ceases to amaze me. He reminds me that even though i am such an imperfect child of His, He loves me.
In that order:
And. It's true; I have a story for 'dalu. (Yup, that's his nickname!) It involves him being a ghost rather than a weight watcher. (I hate the word deity so much.) And it's really complicated and kind of still undeveloped, so I can't really describe it, but... I'm so excited.
And! I have a cause now.
Let me explain. For a while I have been lamenting the fact that I'm kind of... selfabsorbedandcauseless. Like there was nothing that I've ever been like, "I want to give my heart to that." (excessive misuse of "like," there.)
But today I found something I think I can really... be part of. Here's how it happened.
I update my twitter during my free period. (Bad WOI!) And recently I've started looking at the new LOLcats too. (REALLY bad WOI!) And today I spotted an ad for the Smile Train. (On i can has cheezburger, yes. Random, yes.) (Can we perhaps stop with the parenthetical asides?)
Why haven't I ever thought of this before? I had a cleft lip and palette when I was born. I've benefitted from these surgeries. (Though not from ST, because the US is lovely&advanced.) (Excuse me, parentheses?!)
So that was on my mind. And I've mentioned this a few times in the past, I think, but God likes coincidences. At Esther's Circle tonight, I was doing the whole mental, I know God wants me to use my talents and experiences for Him, but how? thing like I always do. And we were doing this affirmation thing, where we went around the table and commented on what gifts God had given us, and like five people commented on my smile. My smile! The one that took five billion surgeries. The one I've always been so insecure about. My cleft-lip smile.
Does God fix up little coincidences like this in everyone's life, or does He have something special planned for me? Either way, the way He lines things up to drive his point home never ceases to amaze me. He reminds me that even though i am such an imperfect child of His, He loves me.
12.16.2007
I just showed Shingo Mama to the table.
Should be an interesting lunch tomorrow, hm?
&&Sakeko sent me Hai, Irasshai. I'm so happy~
Oh but Shingo Mama is terrifying.
I'm cold.
Today I made a bag. Also I had half a cup of coffe, which is half a cup more than I normally have, and I think it just hit, so I'm like shaky and disjointed. Either that or I'm cold. But I do have a headache so it's probably caffeine.
Bleh, I feel odd. And my hands are cold.
Oh. Yesterday. Yesterday I was made to go to the mall w/ B. and S. (er... XD;) to socialize. It caused me to be very tired, even though it was fun. I think my sleepiness cut the evening a little short. Datte nemukatta. I bought gearrings and Oracle of Seasons! Also PRESENTS, but shhh, that's a secret.
I'm nearly done with the Argos Forest picture. Aggh, I'm so over it. All I really have left now is adding the details to the trees, though... I think I'll outline 'em and add those line things... -stares into the distance-
&&Sakeko sent me Hai, Irasshai. I'm so happy~
Oh but Shingo Mama is terrifying.
I'm cold.
Today I made a bag. Also I had half a cup of coffe, which is half a cup more than I normally have, and I think it just hit, so I'm like shaky and disjointed. Either that or I'm cold. But I do have a headache so it's probably caffeine.
Bleh, I feel odd. And my hands are cold.
Oh. Yesterday. Yesterday I was made to go to the mall w/ B. and S. (er... XD;) to socialize. It caused me to be very tired, even though it was fun. I think my sleepiness cut the evening a little short. Datte nemukatta. I bought gearrings and Oracle of Seasons! Also PRESENTS, but shhh, that's a secret.
I'm nearly done with the Argos Forest picture. Aggh, I'm so over it. All I really have left now is adding the details to the trees, though... I think I'll outline 'em and add those line things... -stares into the distance-
12.14.2007
I will write this right after I get back from sitting by the fire holy crepe it's cold
Actually, Cody was downstairs, so I elected to play some DDR. Mario Mix. 'Course, he came upstairs at one point and made me fail Pirate Dance.
I'm warm now, in any case.
I'm afraid I have failed you (dare?)... I have nothing more interesting to say today.
The Argos Forest... did I mention that? For art class, for our "rhythm and movement" project, I'm drawing a picture of trees with eyes. Kinda like that tree in the math quad at LCC, except they're real eyes. Two of them are jaundiced, one is blind. I'm calling it the Argos Forest, like Argos from Greek mythology who had a hundred eyes, all over his body, and never closed any of them until Hermes came and bored him to death. I suppose I can squish it (i.e., flatten the layers) and show you a W.I.P., ne?
Oh, I started a sentence up there and neglected to finish it. The Argos Forest is coming along nicely. I want to use it as a setting for something...
(Well, that's certainly a much easier way to move a picture about... move the html, duh!)
Other than that... I want to write something new, but nothing's coming to me... well, now something is, but it needs development before I can write it. :x Involving Italian masks and a sweet sixteen and... all maybes.
I could write that story I had in mind before Hieronymus moved in, but... I feel less inspired by that now. :C
I'm warm now, in any case.
I'm afraid I have failed you (dare?)... I have nothing more interesting to say today.
The Argos Forest... did I mention that? For art class, for our "rhythm and movement" project, I'm drawing a picture of trees with eyes. Kinda like that tree in the math quad at LCC, except they're real eyes. Two of them are jaundiced, one is blind. I'm calling it the Argos Forest, like Argos from Greek mythology who had a hundred eyes, all over his body, and never closed any of them until Hermes came and bored him to death. I suppose I can squish it (i.e., flatten the layers) and show you a W.I.P., ne?
Oh, I started a sentence up there and neglected to finish it. The Argos Forest is coming along nicely. I want to use it as a setting for something...
(Well, that's certainly a much easier way to move a picture about... move the html, duh!)
Other than that... I want to write something new, but nothing's coming to me... well, now something is, but it needs development before I can write it. :x Involving Italian masks and a sweet sixteen and... all maybes.
I could write that story I had in mind before Hieronymus moved in, but... I feel less inspired by that now. :C
12.13.2007
Nothing like a fictional character's birthday...
...to get one back to one's blog.
Today is Mello's birthday. Happy birthday love. Yesterday I wrote you a fanfiction with "experimental" grammar. It's on the USB stick which is currently in the other computer which is in use. So I'll copy-paste that tomorrow morning or something.
It's filled with angst because Mello is almost never happy. Also that's practically all crazy WOI writes.
I don't really have anything interesting to say, I suppose. Oh! But you should all read The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. It's the last book of the "American Experience" unit we're doing in English and it's about the Vietnam War. COME BACK. I lied. That's what I thought it was about, and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. But it's about people (who were in the Vietnam War, yes, but... that's the point and at the same time it's not the point) and it's amazing. I love the writing style and it's amazing. Read it.
I shall try to have more for you to say tomorrow.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I have taken up coloring things with paint.NET, seriously. Some things I've colored are in this facebook album.
Mello's happy birthday fic... which isn't happy and doesn't happen on his birthday, but whatever. Please ignore the formatting, because I have no time to fix it right now.
--
Today is Mello's birthday. Happy birthday love. Yesterday I wrote you a fanfiction with "experimental" grammar. It's on the USB stick which is currently in the other computer which is in use. So I'll copy-paste that tomorrow morning or something.
It's filled with angst because Mello is almost never happy. Also that's practically all crazy WOI writes.
I don't really have anything interesting to say, I suppose. Oh! But you should all read The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. It's the last book of the "American Experience" unit we're doing in English and it's about the Vietnam War. COME BACK. I lied. That's what I thought it was about, and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. But it's about people (who were in the Vietnam War, yes, but... that's the point and at the same time it's not the point) and it's amazing. I love the writing style and it's amazing. Read it.
I shall try to have more for you to say tomorrow.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I have taken up coloring things with paint.NET, seriously. Some things I've colored are in this facebook album.
Mello's happy birthday fic... which isn't happy and doesn't happen on his birthday, but whatever. Please ignore the formatting, because I have no time to fix it right now.
--
“It’s my fault those gang members died.”
He was sitting on her couch and staring up at the ceiling, eyes narrowed very slightly as if in thought, when the words fell from his mouth. No tone in his voice, no regret or scorn or anything else. Just the cold hard facts.
Halle turned her face towards him and said what came to mind: “Kira would have gotten them eventually, anyway.”
It was true and it should have displaced some of the guilt. But it wasn’t comforting.
“They were terrible people. Murderers, rapists, thieves, druggies. But I knew them.” Mello said to the ceiling. “And then they died.”
Halle ventured a question. “You chose them for that reason, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Mello confessed. “I did.” He looked at Halle, inquisitive. “Is that worse?”
She gave a shrug. How was she to know? She had lost her sense of ethics, of morals, when she’d first gotten involved in this insane game. She was always telling herself that sacrifices were necessary, but how many sacrifices did she mean?
“Yagami’s death, too.” The ceiling was Mello’s priest again. “Was my fault.”
Halle was the one who had told him of Soichiro Yagami’s death. She had just given him the information, back then, and he had just taken another bite of his chocolate bar. Now, he said:
“I regret that.” And he gave a sigh, deep and sincere, and he tilted his head back so that he could only see the ceiling, pure and white, without seeing the limits of it. “He was an admirable old man.”
It was just short of admitting that he had admired Yagami.
“Of course, he was a fool.” And so easy to manipulate. “But a fool with ideals. The purest kind of person.”
The kind of person who should never have gotten involved in this filthy game.
They were both thinking it.
They were both filthy with sin and neither had any intention of stopping until the game was over, if then. They told themselves it was necessary, and on good days they believed themselves. On good days, Soichiro Yagami’s death was convincing evidence that fools with ideals could achieve nothing in this game.
On bad days, they remembered that Yagami had fought Kira for six whole years and had caught one of the people who had played that role.
“He had never killed anyone, you know,” Mello told Halle, sitting up then and reaching for a chocolate bar.
Halle watched his inscrutable face. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
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