Merry Christmas!...ish

Do you ever have one of those times when you look at yourself and realize maybe you're not such a great person after all? Had one of those today. My brother loves chess and he got a weird four-way chess board game. (Works like this, but his is much prettier.) I am not good at chess because I lack the ability to think holistically. I can pretty much think about only one, maybe two pieces at a time, which is the best way to fail at chess that I know of. But I sat down and played for the sake of family togetherness and because he was excited to try his new toy (just as I was excited to read my book... which had been my plan). About twenty minutes in, he had me down to about six pawns, my king, a rook, a bishop, and a knight, and he kept coming after me, and I was beginning to lose patience. I then surrendered because I was sick of sitting there losing etc etc etc youchi de makezu girai (for the last time when will you get it into your head that that phrase was applied to Kira first). And my sisters thought this was ridiculous and accused me of getting "pissed off because I suck at chess." I responded that I was not pissed off because I sucked at chess, I did not play chess because I sucked at chess. And then I went upstairs and pouted.
Pouted, rationalized, made a holier-than-thou face and imagined a conversation in which I asked people to watch Spirited Away with me because I had gotten that for Christmas. Ah. The root of the problem. I just realized it. I wanted to force others to watch it with me because I'd been roped into not only Z's chess game, but T's new Office DVD game. I wanted to see how they liked being made to experience others' presents when they'd rather be experiencing their own. (Mi familia has already seen Spirited Away and universally decided that it is creepy. Yes. It is. But it's gorgeous! Gorgeous!!)
So why did I suddenly realize how selfish I am?
Because as I was upstairs pouting and plotting, Mom and Dad offered to watch Spirited Away with me. And we did.

There are a few problems. My dissimilar interests. My interests' tendency to be individual. My all-too-willingness to simply keep myself amused rather than bother with others. (I know that sociologically this is a problem, no matter how nice and fulfilling it may sometimes seem.)
My lack of willingness to change. My lack of willingness to change. My lack of willingness to change.
Recently I've been noticing a lot of my flaws and shrugging them off with a "Oh well, that's the way I am." I know I should do something about this. But oh well. That's the way I am.
LOLIRONY
Wait that isn't irony though, 'cause it's not really the opposite of what you'd expect (unless you'd expect me to, once acknowledging this flaw, do something about it--in which case, try reading the sentence again).
Oh whatever. Rambling now and trying to get out of slight emo-ness. Angsty journal of DOOM part whatever-we're-on-now.... Wait, had one of those already.
In any case. I think I'll read a bit of The Things They Carried (getting out of emo-ness FAIL) and then play with some panties and percieving and that idiot's noodle stand. Unfortunately TWEWY is still on its way, and even more unfortunately I'm a foolish fool who foolishly saved over her 4-4 save point which means I'll have to play that foolish foolhardy fool of a trial AGAIN at some point *whimper*.
I was happier than this most of the day. Really. Really. I got a nyoro~n shirt!
Me: "It's the nyoro~n girl!"
Mom: "Yeah, those four-panel comics were weird. I had no idea what they were, but I figured you'd probably know what it was about."

Douse, have a holly jolly Christmas, all, and try to think about Jesus a bit more than I did.

Stolen from Jacey-Rae

List 13 random songs in your mind.
NOTE: You can't peek at the questions below,
it would ruin the fun if you do.. :]

1. Fragrance of Dark Coffee
2. Don't want you no More
3. Yudachi
4. Tabi no Tochuu
5. Cross-Examination 2001 - Allegro
6. The Bitter Taste of Truth
7. Distant Traces (I AM SO SORRY I DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT HERE)
8. Caramelldansen
9. The Other Promise
10. Teresa Waltz
11. Villain Suite
12. Turnabout Sisters Ballad
13. Carry Me Home
Gosh I hope these don't need to have words...

who do u remember when u hear no. 4?
Who? No one at all. I haven't even told anyone about Spice & Wolf. :C

does no.8 make u happy?
The Caramelldansen? Heck yes!

has no. 3 made u cry?
Only since I started associating "ushinatte-shimau mono, mamori-kireru mono, hon no sukoshi no chigai" with Godot. x_x;

in what occasion did you hear no. 9?
R.B. was telling me about the CD and sent me a youtube link. I loved the flute. I swear I am rolling at an automatic -5 when it comes to resisting flute songs.

do u miss no.10?
XD? I only started listening to it a few days ago when I decided it fit Jesse...

which lyrics do u like the best from no.1?
.............?

do u imagine something when u hear no.2?
Something? Umm once I tried to set colors to it.

who do u remember when u hear no. 6?
Uh lemme think about that.

when was the last time u heard no .11?
Uhm earlier today on the bus. I was going through the orchestra CD.

how about no.8?
Yesterday, I believe.

do u often sing no.1?
*cough* Okay, so singing songs that don't actually have words is a guilty pleasure of mine...

have u sung no.7 to anyone?
Lol what Dahlia's theme? No.

does no. 10 inspire ur life?
Not in the slightest.

does no. 05 show how you truly feel?
First game's Allegro? Um, no. Though I do love it to pieces.

what do u feel wen u hear no.7?
The in-game version makes me feel like LIESSSSS but all the orchestrations are full of flute and so pretty ;_;

do u smile when u hear no 12?
No. The ballad is emo. Turnabout Sisters theme in and of itself, yes, but not the ballad.

when was the first time u heard no.1?
That'd be when I first played 3-2... (tsumannai no. XP)

if u could dedicate no. 9 to someone,
who would it be?
Um that'd be R.B.

does no. 7 mean a lot to u?
Um... no. (Except that pretty much every significant question about T&T can be validly answered with, "Because Dahlia Hawthorne is a b*tch." Try it sometime.)

what's so special about no 10?
Ahm. Well see Jesse's a bit androgynous and since I decided Jessica had such a flutey theme, Jesse needed a slightly flutey theme that was either more masculine or more mysterious. Teresa Waltz = mysterious win.

would u sing no.11 to anyone? to who?
Lol what? The Villain Suite? Pretty sure there is no way to sing that.

does no.8 remind u of someone?
At the moment, C. R.

what memory comes to ur mind when u hear no.5?
Cross-examining witnesses? No one in particular.

do u want to hear no. 12 right now?
I'd like to hear it inside the Kurain Geneology song, actually, because it's EPIC in that. EPIC EPIC EPIC and freaking triumphant, take that White.

can u remember clearly the first time u heard no. 13?
No. D: I think I was sitting on my bed.

Small Victories

Last night my dreams were full of small wish fulfillments. No, seriously. Like I dreamt that my tablet was working again (seriously, Vera, what's wrong with you? I simply want love!) and SPOILERS--that means you, Ryan--I dreamt that there was canonical proof that Godot sees in shades of cyan rather than red. Apparently I care way too much about that argument. Seriously though they're lights, it's not like he can see through them anyway... And it directly contradicts what he said to assume he sees in all-red. "Red doesn't exist in my world" FAIL.
In any case, I do wish Vera would work. If the problems persist I think I'll buy a small Wacom. I mean it'll be slightly more expensive and a slightly smaller workspace, but... It'll probably last longer than my current tablet. Much longer.

So I should be revising my story right now...

AND I'M NOT

First off I'm really tired, and anyway I haven't blogged in forever right? Right. Thanksgiving break occurred. It was not as relaxing as it could have been because I had to work on my revision so of course there was also much miserable procrastinating. I loved seeing my fambly though~~ And my friends! And we had a party and RB and KP (um... Kim Possible...? oO) and I played SSBB. And RB got the coffee mug and called me Trite. D: But then I shooped his whoop. Eventually...

My story revision is.... progressing.... slowly. For a little while I thought I hated it, then I realized that I don't. I think. In any case I am running out of time to hate it (especially if I spend my time PROCRASTINATING and starting to play certain video games that I seem to remember telling myself NOT TO START UNTIL THE REVISION WAS FINISHED) but Hotel Dusk is fantastic so far......

Anyway, good night.