I'm slightly alarmed.

So like... three nights out of five so far this week, I've been struck by a random bad mood. Feeling very isolated, almost like there's a thin shield between me and anyone else. Not that I make any attempt to break through that shield--for goodness' sake, stupid girl, you have a telephone and you know how to use it--but the problem becomes how to break through a shield that is always in place. I don't call people just to talk. I just don't. And I don't know how to--

Back
in
eighth
grade
(and you know this is going to be good)
I wrote
two
little
pieces of doggerel
(the typical, typical emo teen "poetry")
The first
is
still
doggerel, BUT
it is
still
how
I
feel:



I want you to look at me
But I don’t want you to see.

I want you to notice that something’s not right
But I don’t want you to know that something’s wrong.

I want you to leave me alone
But I don’t want you to avoid me.

Begging for attention
That I don’t want,
Cowering from the care
That I need,
And my mind asks—
“Just what’s wrong with you, anyway?”
--



It cannot
possibly
be a good thing
if I'm invoking eighth grade.


In any case that's why this is here, rather than on dA; because I know I am being whiny and passive-aggressive in my desperation for attention
because if I just make a journal entry that says "help" (and that is what my useless mind keeps saying) just the--attention and the worry and the having to keep dealing with comments when my mood has improved and

help


and
why don't you
stop whining
and
go to bed?

"Emptiness And..." lyrics...

...or some of them at least. I keep listening to it to try to get more and more of the lyrics. S'pose I'll update as I figure more out...
It's surprisingly emo. o___O


It's always kind of hopeless
The emptiness swallows me
You come in and bear me along
?
?
?

?
?
Check it and you know you can stop it
Maybe that means you have to do it

Emptiness, lights shoot out of nowhere
Emptiness don't mean any harm
This beat of fire
That's burning out of me
Emptiness takes you to that silence
Emptiness makes me wanna cry
Beat of darkness that's falling down my heart

(And I have NO clue what that chanting is.)

?
The emptiness inside of me
君は blow my mind*
?
?
'Cause I know what you'll find

(Something something something) I can change it
?
Check it in and you oughta stop it
Shout it out if I have to do it

Emptiness, lights shoot out of nowhere
Emptiness don't mean any harm
It's freedom, longing are
Fading out of me
Emptiness takes you to that silence
Emptiness makes me wanna cry
Beat of craziness
?

Emptiness, lights shoot out of nowhere
Emptiness don't mean any harm
This beat of fire
That's burning out of me
Emptiness takes you to that silence
Emptiness makes me wanna cry
Beat of darkness that's falling down my heart

(And I still don't know the chanting, no.)

*"kimi wa." Yes, I know I'm sticking Gratuitous Japanese in an otherwise English song, but that's what it sounds like to me.

EDIT 110909: changed "falling" in first and last chorus to "burning." Thanks to Nela for the catch!

Dear TWEWY fans,

let's be logical.
You improve Imagination by enjoying life.
You become an Angel by having fantastic Imagination.

Therefore, all Angels are lawful neutral jerks who are just waiting to viciously attack anyone who breaks the slightest rule without thought for their motives?
Well, DUH.

*facepalm*
This seems to be a basic assumption of all the interesting fanfiction I've read so far. (Interesting because I can't seem to stay on my own plane, despite... okay, well, no, I haven't actually tried....) It is starting to really frustrate me.

You people are really just being overprotective. Or overreacting, or something.
"It's because they're jerks~~~~!!! >A<;;;"
No. It's because he broke one of their rules. Knowingly. [[ThisIsSparta Take. A. Chill Pill.]]

(Who's overreacting? I don't see them writing random blogs about it...)

OKAY SRSBZNS SPOILERS THIS TIME

For reals. And some Wild Solitary Guessing. I'm not entirely sure where one would engage in Wild Mass Guessing for TWEWY, but then again I haven't looked yet.

Starting... now.
Okayso. Starting with the evidence like a proper Gyakutard, the fact that the Producer is the only Angel whose vibes the Composer can catch. Acting on the basic assumption that higher vibes = more powerful, that makes him... one wimpy Angel. (And you see why one of my life goals has become to never seriously anger an Angel. *whimper*) Either the Producer is the wimpiest Angel around (where "around" could be a very, very relative term; especially going by the particular WSG I'm about to introduce when I stop interrupting myself, there could very well be one Producer for each divided area of the UG), or his vibe is intentionally low due to his abnormal amount of involvement in the RG/UG. (Note of course that it's implied Hanekoma's interaction on the lower planes during TWEWY month is beyond normalcy, but then again Josh allegedly frequents WildKat... maybe.) (I'm getting to the theory, I swear.)
I tend to go with the theory that his vibe is just specialized. Until right about... now-ish.

Now I'm thinking that possibly a Producer is a deposed Composer.

Things this would explain:
-->The -masu form. If Josh kicked Hanekoma's butt at some point in the past, well, it would make sense that Josh > Hanekoma. (Whether he gained a power boost upon becoming an Angel is not even slightly addressed, though the Human-->Reaper +lifespan +power suggests that it's possible.) (Though I have not abandoned my "Josh's Composerness was Hanekoma's idea even before it was Josh's" theory. This just makes the theory... considerably odder. But I wouldn't put it past the Magnificent Bastard.) (...Crap, now I want to start working on that fic again.)
-->How Composer can be part of the evolution cycle. That a Composer does not die/is not erased when defeated appears to be... somewhat solidly confirmed, as it's included in the evolutionary cycle in SR7. In fact it's pretty logical: got a new Angel? He/she gets a low-class (again, assuming vibes = power) job in territory he/she is already intimately familiar with.
-->Familiar with... and affectionate towards. Could explain Hanekoma's loyalty to Shibuya over his loyalty to Josh...

Oddly enough, this theory... I entertained this theory for a minute a few days ago, acknowledged the possibility, but decided to discard it a few minutes later in preference of the "specialized vibes" theory. So why am I back to this theory?
Uh, because of Another Day.
I know what? It's so impossible to figure out anything above RG in Tin Pin Land. Well, obviously Pink is not a RG-er; considering his comfortability with the Room of Reckoning, it's possibly, probably, most likely safe to assume he's Composer there as well. The assumption that Hanekoma's Producer there would seem to follow naturally, especially considering that he, unlike everyone else in TPL, is basically the same person in TPL as he is in normal!Shibuya, and that CAT's role is unchanged. (I find it particularly revealing that TP!Neku is so much happier... pretty clearly a result of more frequent exposure to Hanekoma. Phew.) Also that he is not around so often.
But um... that Wizard figure. Called from this moment 245 because both his pin and his Gatito item are numbers 245, so I assume it refers to his name in some way. I do not honestly care what his name is because as we all know, TWEWY world was not created, it simply IS. :D Also I can't seem to force 245 into anything that actually resembles a name, So Yeah.

When I actually managed to properly run into 245, my basically non-existent appreciation for TPL fell even further because I went into a tizzy trying to figure out if he was the capital-P Producer or they were just saying that (a) to pick on poor stupid puny humans like me who are trying to figure out upper-plane stuff for TWO worlds and/or (b) because "producer" is 245's real-life role. But Pink does seem terribly familiar with him, and now I'm realizing that if he is capital-P Producer and if Producer = deposed Composer... well that makes some things work out quite nicely.
-->My theory that TPL is a Tin Pin Land because some former Composer was very, very obsessed with the hellspawn game. Well, if the creator of the game was previously Composer... yeah I think that counts.
-->I've been theorizing that TPL!Hanekoma is particularly busy recently because Pink just became Composer there and he, as Producer, was helping him get settled and spending more of his time in the UG than in the RG. Umm to back up that Pink just became Composer
----->The fact that he's still quite involved in RG matters, particularly Tin Pin Weekly or whatever.
------>Relatedly, the fact that he's the middle-school columnist implies that his...... hey wait, I was wondering if they were middle school or high school earlier. Guess there's an in-game answer to that, stupid AD. Anyway, it implies that his apparent age matches his real age.

Anyway... Due to the apparent identicalness of TP!Hanekoma to Randomlyattacking!Hanekoma, it's likely that his role is or was identical in both worlds. So, with this new theory, the reason he's been busier lately? He has just evolved further--with 245 as the new Producer, he's no longer needed in that job. Now his vibes are even more attuned to the Higher Plane rather than the UG/RG, he's got a job on the Higher Plane... he's moved on.

Speaking of moving on--this would explain why RA!Hanekoma worries that TP!Hanekoma would turn him in. TP!Hanekoma would be closer to the other Angels than to Shibuya, suggesting that perhaps that's where his loyalties lie.

So what'm I saying?
In both words, Hanekoma was once Composer. However, the split--or a split, rather, because the two worlds don't really seem very parallel at all--occurred with his successor: in the world of the main story arc, he was eventually defeated by Joshua, most likely within two years ago (if one assumes that the downturn Uzuki noticed during her two years as a Reaper is because of Josh's administration), whereas in TPL he was defeated by 245, who in turn was later, and I think pretty recently, defeated by Josh-aka-Pink.
That's basically it.

Why does this matter?
IT TOTALLY DOESN'T.
It so completely doesn't matter a smidge to the real world. I just think about these things when I should be doing homework.

EDIT: Waitasec. It's not only possible, it's likely. How else would his mural have gotten in the Trail of the... ...whichever. Bygone? I think that's Bygone. I mean he can't reveal that he's special to anyone but the Composer, so what would a human be doing past the Rubicon?
...Holy crap, I don't think I'm just guessing, I think I have genuinely figured something out.

NEW INFORMATION JOYRUSH! :D
omg I'm happy. -dances-

Mostly this is so Sakeko-chan can watch Yoshu being hyperactive.

Also I feel like writing but I don't know what to write and a certain FACT OF LIFE is keeping me from being happy and healthy-feeling though of course I am entirely healthy. Looking forward to riding a plane in THIS shape. Why don't I keep CAPITALIZING random WORDS in FRUSTRATION so that I SOUND like I'm on PMS too.
But anywayyyyyy
Japanese fanart/fancomics = discovering lots about speaking styles, woooooo. Yoshua (aka Joshua, aka sometimes I drop the "a" entirely and just call him Yoshu, as in the title) calls Kitaniji "Megumi-kun." Kun! -jaw hangs open- Weiiiiird.
And Hanekoma DOES say "ore" for "me" which means "ore no heddofoon" is as amazing in Japanese as well! asdfhgfdssdfgh srsly I like that.

....for ten points

This pin is part of the trade for both the WEWY Promo Coat and the "D+B" pin. Unbranded, it is the Ultimate drop of Reaper Beat and the Hard drop of both Draco Cantus and Panthera Cantus. One scan suggests that it, or something that shares its name, makes up 96% of the universe. For ten points, name this pin which can be traded for a Scarletite at Shibu-Q Heads and is inlaid with purple gemstones.
Answer: Dark Matter (No. 261)

For ten points each, given the color, name the character associated with that color in the "Another Day" bonus chapter.
[10] Pink
Answer: Joshua Kiryu (Yoshiya Kiryu)
[10] Yellow
Answer: Beat (Daisukenojo Bito)
[10] Pain
Answer: [spoiler goes here] (Grudgingly accept Pain is not a color and equivalents)

.......
I have this sudden urge to write an entire Quiz Bowl packet based on TWEWY.
This sudden urge originates 75% from the fact that I really do have to finish this essay, now, and 25% from the fact that at practice, a question mentioned a song called "Game Over," though I'm pretty sure the "Game Over" they were referring to does not mention 2ch.

In which I rant and overanalyze words

No real spoilers here... not really...
EDIT: okay fine there are spoilers because I decided to compare the two, Japanese and English. So there are spoilers at the bottom.



But seriously what is UP with that scene.
Watch it twice in one day 'cause you're collecting Draco Cantus's easy and normal drops (which are boring), and it still won't make sense.
Watch it in Japanese, several times, and it still won't make sense (though you'll learn that he speaks in -masu form whatwhatwhatiamconfused).
Tell yourself that this time, you are DEFINITELY GOING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS, and it STILL WON'T MAKE SENSE.

vvvvaaahh. D:
Isn't it basic human courtesy to provide context for what you're showing people. ISN'T IT?! That scene. Can be interpreted in so many ways and there is nothing to say which one should even be FAVORED.

In any case though, because I've just watched it in Japanese, I feel like I have received new information, so I'm happy right now and feeling very warm-hearted towards everyone, much like I did when I first saw the scene in English. It'll sink in eventually that I haven't actually learned anything cohesive.

Also Anguis is not a very good anguis. I checked. That tongue is definitely forked.

Anyway I have an essay to write today, which I really probably should do.


EDIT
ORRRRRR I COULD TYPE UP THE SCENE IN NIHONGO CAUSE THAT'S FUN
それにしても、今回の災厄[?]．．．、上でも[問題に?]なりますよ。
まっ、これでとりあえず元通りってことで。
ほら？なんだか寂しそうじゃないですか？
なんにしろ、彼らの世界をどうするか、彼らが決めてるんですがな。われわれはもう．．．
あー、やれやれ。素直じゃない方だ。

Notes: Overall it's not bad. Really nothing I'd say "No, they should have translated it as this instead" to. Some things I've noticed though...

• "Sore ni shite mo" = "Even so/nevertheless." Unlike "You know," "sore ni shite mo" gives a strong impression of continuing a conversation that was already going on.
• Saiyaku: What he says sounds like "saiya," which doesn't appear to be a word. "Saiyaku" means calamity or disaster, which is a bit... strong? Alternately just "sai" 際 means "circumstances" and the ya could be a weird, tacked-on... particle? Though the rest of his Japanese is fairly standard... (THEREFORE COMPREHENSIBLE WHOOOOO)
• Mondai: I'm not sure that's what he says, and the ni is only there because that would be how you connect mondai to narimasu. If it's not that, then it's a word I don't know.
• EDIT: Well, it's definitely not any word that translates directly to "repercussions" according to Jim Breen (ie the wwwjdic). Sounds more like "mondai" than any of the words there, but...
  
• Narimasu: WTFDMASUFORM. ...Seriously, that threw me for a huge loop. I've gotta look up how they talk to each other in like J-3 nstuff, because it would be incredibly odd for an adult to use -masu with a fifteen-year-old, especially considering Neku's comment that they "seem to go way back." To iu wake de, this would be a Composer-Producer thing, placing the two of them either at extremely distant with each other, or making the Composer the higher position. Something I've considered before, but... still odd. ...That aside, the punctuation here could just as well be a ~ as a period. He says it in a pretty sing-song voice.

• Toriaezu: "for now." OTL it'sgoingtohappenagain
• Motodoori: not "normal" but specifically "the way things were before." Well, I suppose in the end it's roughly the same, but... it feels different to me somehow. And I can't figure out if I feel that it's more positive, or less so.
• Tte koto de: vvmmm... I'm not sure if I've got this right, but this combined with toriaezu makes me feel like he's saying something like "Well we'll try this for now."

• Hora?: Doesn't seem like an ordinary hora. Might be a more masculine "ara"? XP Aiunno.
• Samishisou: asdfghjkl;' pretty much makes the entire Japanese version worth listening to for the fact that "samishii" is waaay more specific than "down." It means lonely. *o*
• Ja nai desu ka: ffffffff this sounds so much like something that would be in my textbook. Like the greatest eavesdropping assignment ever or something. Except then you'd get a question like, "g. What's going on in this exchange? How can you tell?" And I'd have to say I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE, I GIVE UP. Also calling it an exchange would be a little... But yeah, this is where I caught on to the -masu form and did a double take.

• Nanni shiro: His attitude throughout this conversation is very very "whatever"-ish. Sore ni shite mo, Ma, Nanni shiro, and yareyare are all, like, go-with-the-flow sort of phrases...
• Kare-ra ga...: *tilts head* I call that a ga because a na would not make any sense there? It sounds like a na. I suppose it's just a very very nasal ga. Stupid nasal ga.
• Kimeteru: Are deciding, as a result of a change. A bit different from "get to decide."
• N desu ga na: (It's that) they are deciding what to do with it. (I'm speaking Jordenese. Someone shoot me.) Note that the n desu seems to apply to the entire sentence, and what's being explained by this comment is not in the conversation. Go figure. This goes back to that context issue. The "na" at the end knocks the tone down to slightly more casual and also implies that Josh should know this already, should already be in agreement.
  (I was kidding, Josh. Please put that down.)
• Wareware: A much more impersonal "we" than I was expecting. Nnn, what do I mean. I'd have to find out what word he uses for "me" (probably ore, I'd think), but I feel like that makes this much more distant. In English, I felt that he was saying "the two of us" whereas listening to the Japanese, it occurred to me for the first time that he could be talking about all higher beings.
• EDITTO: From TV Tropes, which knows everything: "我々 "We" or "us", used by both men and women to refer to a group. Generally used to refer to, say, one's people or one's company, rather than in a "me and my friends" sense." See, this is why I say learning by osmosis WORKS.

• Entire line: I like this. ._. It just seems... so... fond. I mean, the English similarly so. Kind of like a "Oh well, what can ya do?" sort of thing. I find it...... hard to reconcile.
• Sunao: Means either "obedient" or "honest." In this context, probably "obedient" (at least, the translator sure think so), but I like that it has both meanings.
• Sunao ja nai kata: Strange construction. It's not "not an obedient person," it's "a person who is not obedient." Like being disobedient is a defining characteristic or something. xD
• Kata: katawthkata. S-seriously. I need to go over the way I'm looking at things again. (Again for the hundredbillionthtime.)
  

And before you (inexistent reader) ask, yes, I did in fact do one of these for the English version, as well. Just on paper, and less analyzing-each-word, more trying to get a holistic idea of what they were talking about.
And failing.


Has this helped?
As I said, "samishisou" makes a huge difference. The theory that Joshua is "down" because he wants to join Neku-tachi is suddenly looking much clearer, almost to the point of confirmation. The fact that Neku does mentally invite him to join them... Even so I can't imagine how that would go over. ._.
What keeps it from being confirmed is my uncertainty under how that puts the entire conversation together. What is being explained that "they're deciding what to do with their own world"? Hm. The construction is a little weird because the "n desu" means it's an explanation--meaning new information; the "ga" implies that he's leaving something unsaid; the "na" asks for/assumes agreement. It's like he's saying, "The answer to your [unasked] question [or the reason you can't do what you want] is that they're deciding what to do with their own world, but you knew that already." bfffff I wish Yoshua hadn't flown off before he could finish his next sentence. I have no idea what he was supposed to be saying. None whatsoever.


So, still no holistic comprehension of what's going on. However some things have become clearer. So this was a triumph; I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

Well, perhaps not huge.
ABOUT THAT SHUKUDAI.