I feel groggy. Though more awake than I did a moment ago.
APPARENTLY, one of the antinausea things is supposed to make me drowsy.
WELL THEN TELL ME THAT BEFORE YOU PUT THE THING ON. I wouldn't have accepted it if I'd known. It's off now, so all is good. Things that happened no longer feel like dreams. (This was a considerable problem for a while.) I like how I typed it as if I were shouting. Ha. Yeah, not for a while yet.
I'm eating a smoothie now. It's tasty. I'm more conscious.
Ooohh, but I hate when I'm coming out of anesthesia and they're like, "Okay, R, it's time to wake up now."
I generally have to be told multiple times. This time I can blame that stuuuupid anti-nausea patch, but it's fairly normal for me.
Please forgive any typos. Typing one-handed on anesthesia does not make for coherence.
I hate how greasy my face feels after a surgery. Grr. Well at this point I think it's fairly apparent that I'm saying whatever comes to mind. Speaking of things coming to mind, replaying Reunion, and Turnabout shortly before sugery--a facial surgery--was probably not the most intelligent thing I've ever done. It's not like I was thinking ,"OMG they'll mess up the meds," but... well, not seriously at least... I also spent a bit of my time contemplating the color of the IV. I wouldn't say it was yellow... It was in a clear bag, too. (Honestly, do they really put IVs in colored bags? That seems... impractical.)
Ohhh but I hate breathing tubes. It was out of me before I woke up, but my throat still feels bad. Wish those weren't necessary. (Are they...?)
But I really am fairly cognizant. It was a minor surgery after all. I mean, I'm sitting up and everything. Part of me would prefer to be lying down, unsurprisingly, but then I couldn't eat my smoothie...
I'm gonna go eat dinner now. May come back to ramble more later. Goodbye~ good-bye.
6.27.2008
And after all that emo-ing...
I decided to go through with it anyway.
I'm really hungry right now. Hmph. And my parents made a special breakfast for my sisters. It smells delicious.
Whatever. I named my tablet last night. Vera! Isn't that cute? ^_^
I also spent longer than was probably necessary on the CR forums after getting home last night.
I'm really hungry right now. Hmph. And my parents made a special breakfast for my sisters. It smells delicious.
Whatever. I named my tablet last night. Vera! Isn't that cute? ^_^
I also spent longer than was probably necessary on the CR forums after getting home last night.
6.26.2008
I know what I want to do.
Now the problem is doing it.
Also, work was better yesterday.
Edit:
I'm going to write some of this out.
Having surgery, pros:
Don't have to convince my parents otherwise
My lips would look more normal
My lips wouldn't get dry so quickly
Having surgery, cons:
May have to re-learn to whistle... AGAIN
Having surgery is no fun
Would have to wear bandages or whatever
It's not actually what I want. :|
Not having surgery, pros:
Not groggy & crap
I get to eat tomorrow
[[Let's try for some long-term ones, shall we?]]
[[I suppose there aren't any, necessarily. Though I won't have the increased "I had plastic surgery" guilt.]] [[My parents say they understand this feeling but it's unreasonable. :/ Who even cares if it's unreasonable, it's how I feel.]]
[[On topic...]] I won't look back at old photos--say, my senior pictures--and think, "I was so ugly back then." You might think this is unreasonable, but this is how I feel about a lot of pictures from before my headgear.
Not having surgery, cons:
Would have to talk my parents out of it (which is quite difficult, because I hate confrontation and I like doing what's expected of me. That's how we got into this mess. After that conversation, they expected me to be convinced. So I acted convinced.)
Probably wouldn't get another chance at it and may wonder later what it would have changed.
I suppose that's the crux of the matter. (Confrontation issues aside. In other words, it should be the crux of the matter.)
Will I, later in life, if I don't have this surgery, look back and wish I had?
...I... kind of doubt it.
Because I'm fine with how I look.
Because it doesn't bother me when people ask me what happened to my lips. At all.
Because I'm such a "ari no mama" person. The way things are is generally fine with me. That's another reason why I haven't spoken up about the surgery... Because it's set, and that's the way things are.
Also, work was better yesterday.
Edit:
I'm going to write some of this out.
Having surgery, pros:
Don't have to convince my parents otherwise
My lips would look more normal
My lips wouldn't get dry so quickly
Having surgery, cons:
May have to re-learn to whistle... AGAIN
Having surgery is no fun
Would have to wear bandages or whatever
It's not actually what I want. :|
Not having surgery, pros:
Not groggy & crap
I get to eat tomorrow
[[Let's try for some long-term ones, shall we?]]
[[I suppose there aren't any, necessarily. Though I won't have the increased "I had plastic surgery" guilt.]] [[My parents say they understand this feeling but it's unreasonable. :/ Who even cares if it's unreasonable, it's how I feel.]]
[[On topic...]] I won't look back at old photos--say, my senior pictures--and think, "I was so ugly back then." You might think this is unreasonable, but this is how I feel about a lot of pictures from before my headgear.
Not having surgery, cons:
Would have to talk my parents out of it (which is quite difficult, because I hate confrontation and I like doing what's expected of me. That's how we got into this mess. After that conversation, they expected me to be convinced. So I acted convinced.)
Probably wouldn't get another chance at it and may wonder later what it would have changed.
I suppose that's the crux of the matter. (Confrontation issues aside. In other words, it should be the crux of the matter.)
Will I, later in life, if I don't have this surgery, look back and wish I had?
...I... kind of doubt it.
Because I'm fine with how I look.
Because it doesn't bother me when people ask me what happened to my lips. At all.
Because I'm such a "ari no mama" person. The way things are is generally fine with me. That's another reason why I haven't spoken up about the surgery... Because it's set, and that's the way things are.
6.24.2008
Work sucked.
SUCKED. S-U-C-K-E-D SUCKED. IN CAPITAL LETTERS.
Someone needs to invent a massage glove. You put it on and flip a switch. It goes buzz and your hand feels better.
Good idea, right?
PLZ TO INVENT AND GIVE TO ME.
You should see how much my hand is shaking right now.
Crap! And I just got my tablet today, too. I swear if my hand isn't up to using the tablet tomorrow, I'm going to cry.
Someone needs to invent a massage glove. You put it on and flip a switch. It goes buzz and your hand feels better.
Good idea, right?
PLZ TO INVENT AND GIVE TO ME.
You should see how much my hand is shaking right now.
Crap! And I just got my tablet today, too. I swear if my hand isn't up to using the tablet tomorrow, I'm going to cry.
6.20.2008
So, who wants to "kidnap" me next Friday at, say, 1 in the morning?
Any takers?
I don't want to have my surgery.
I have discussed this with my parents. At length. A while back. They said we'd discuss it again as the surgery got closer.
We have not.
Now it's a week away.
I DON'T. WANT. TO HAVE. THIS. SURGERY.
It's plastic surgery. I don't CARE if it's because of the cleft; the fact remains that it is plastic surgery, not for purpose, but for looks. FOR LOOKS. What's their argument? So that I'll look more "normal"? WHAT THE HELL DO I CARE IF I LOOK NORMAL? WHEN HAVE I EVER CARED ABOUT BEING NORMAL?
Well?
Okay, look.
I'm going to have this "surgery" right? I'll go through anesthesia, have the surgery. Be all groggy and crap. Miss a day of work. Have to wear bandages and crap on my face. All so I can have my face, which BY THE WAY, I'm fine with--more than fine! On some days, you know what, I actually feel that I'm pretty. Genuinely, honestly pretty--all so I can have that face changed. Again.
When the headgear, the RED device came off, I looked at myself in the mirror and it was like it wasn't my face. I was so startled by the difference that I felt ugly for a few days. I got over that (and to be honest it was probably swelling that had to do with that too), but I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to have to readjust to my face. IT'S MY FREAKING FACE. WHY ISN'T THIS MY DECISION?!
I had a pre-op thing today. The lady was all like, "You're beautiful the way you are, and if you don't want to have this surgery, I think that's fine."
And I was all thinking, "Yeah, you'd think that'd be an option, wouldn't you?"
Thaaaaaaat's why someone should "kidnap" me next Friday and we can hang out together all day, drop me off at Electrolux at my shift, avoid the surgery altogether... I'd probably get one heck of a lecture on the way home, BUT I wouldn't have the surgery. My parents wouldn't have to pay whatever minimal costs they have to, minimal because of course it's cleft-related.
They seem to have the attitude of, "Look, we can get it for cheap (or free, or whatever), so let's do it!"
That's a reasonable way of looking at, say, tickets. Free samples of food. But surgery? Maybe not so much.
Okay, go.
Shout, "Objection!"
Point out that, hey, I feel prettier now, after that last surgery, right?
Do you have any idea how filthy I feel for feeling that way?
I had plastic surgery and now I feel prettier. It's true.
It's so. freaking. shallow. And I don't want to eventually feel glad I had this surgery, either. (Let's face it: it's going to happen. That "kidnapping" plan is bull. Just a fantasy.)
What if I just went away, instead? Hmm... I don't know where I could go without suspicion. My family knows where a lot of my friends live...
I know I know. Running away from problems is stupid. But confronting didn't get me anywhere. Running away would at least show them that I mean what I say: I don't want the surgery. But they'd find me, making it ineffective. And then they'd probably ground me, making it impossible to go see Wall-E.
Whatever.
Ron awaits a not guilty, again.
I don't want to have my surgery.
I have discussed this with my parents. At length. A while back. They said we'd discuss it again as the surgery got closer.
We have not.
Now it's a week away.
I DON'T. WANT. TO HAVE. THIS. SURGERY.
It's plastic surgery. I don't CARE if it's because of the cleft; the fact remains that it is plastic surgery, not for purpose, but for looks. FOR LOOKS. What's their argument? So that I'll look more "normal"? WHAT THE HELL DO I CARE IF I LOOK NORMAL? WHEN HAVE I EVER CARED ABOUT BEING NORMAL?
Well?
Okay, look.
I'm going to have this "surgery" right? I'll go through anesthesia, have the surgery. Be all groggy and crap. Miss a day of work. Have to wear bandages and crap on my face. All so I can have my face, which BY THE WAY, I'm fine with--more than fine! On some days, you know what, I actually feel that I'm pretty. Genuinely, honestly pretty--all so I can have that face changed. Again.
When the headgear, the RED device came off, I looked at myself in the mirror and it was like it wasn't my face. I was so startled by the difference that I felt ugly for a few days. I got over that (and to be honest it was probably swelling that had to do with that too), but I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to have to readjust to my face. IT'S MY FREAKING FACE. WHY ISN'T THIS MY DECISION?!
I had a pre-op thing today. The lady was all like, "You're beautiful the way you are, and if you don't want to have this surgery, I think that's fine."
And I was all thinking, "Yeah, you'd think that'd be an option, wouldn't you?"
Thaaaaaaat's why someone should "kidnap" me next Friday and we can hang out together all day, drop me off at Electrolux at my shift, avoid the surgery altogether... I'd probably get one heck of a lecture on the way home, BUT I wouldn't have the surgery. My parents wouldn't have to pay whatever minimal costs they have to, minimal because of course it's cleft-related.
They seem to have the attitude of, "Look, we can get it for cheap (or free, or whatever), so let's do it!"
That's a reasonable way of looking at, say, tickets. Free samples of food. But surgery? Maybe not so much.
Okay, go.
Shout, "Objection!"
Point out that, hey, I feel prettier now, after that last surgery, right?
Do you have any idea how filthy I feel for feeling that way?
I had plastic surgery and now I feel prettier. It's true.
It's so. freaking. shallow. And I don't want to eventually feel glad I had this surgery, either. (Let's face it: it's going to happen. That "kidnapping" plan is bull. Just a fantasy.)
What if I just went away, instead? Hmm... I don't know where I could go without suspicion. My family knows where a lot of my friends live...
I know I know. Running away from problems is stupid. But confronting didn't get me anywhere. Running away would at least show them that I mean what I say: I don't want the surgery. But they'd find me, making it ineffective. And then they'd probably ground me, making it impossible to go see Wall-E.
Whatever.
Ron awaits a not guilty, again.
6.17.2008
So... last night was my first 3:30-midnight shift.
At Electrolux.
I HURT.
D:
However I'm pretty sure I'm now obsessed with PW, specifically Trials and Tribulations. Even more specifically... Godot aka Diego. (I had a slash there a second ago, but then I thought, with all the Matt/Matt going around on CR... [Grr, Matt])
I HAD MY BRAIN CALL ME "KITTEN."
I'M NOT JOKING.
I THINK THE NEXT THING I WRITE SHOULD NOT BE A MIEGO, KTHX.
Just a thought. xD
Oh but it was funny. For a long time I was plugging wires into lightbulbs. Red and white wires. Oh yes. Redd White. It's funny how much more I FREAKING HATE HIM now that I've finished Trials & Tribs... (Ahahaha shipper.)
Also, since they were against a white background (of the fridges), I had a good chuckle (or two) over how impossible the job would be for Godot. 8D~
Other than all that fun, yesterday I finished...? that Miego I was writing... I'm not sure if I want to switch back to Mia's perspective... all it would be would be her freaking out, and is it really worth writing that...?
Is it really worth writing it at all? I'm reluctant to put it up anywhere because it seems like something that people have probably already written. :/ It's August 27th, did I mention that? (Failish euphemism is failish. It's long. And it seems awkward. Though I'll probably drop the month eventually.) (Shinanai no ni...) It's that, so I suspect people have written it already... Oh, but I want to post it. >< I almost want to send it to CR and at the same time ask why I can't register for the forums (I want to use those emoticonnnns! And and and ask about Elise's freaking hair color. o_O;;;;) OMG CANCEL LAST STATEMENT I CAN REGISTER NOW YAAAAAAAY
Um
That was slightly uncalled for...
Anyway, I can... I dunno. I'm going to go spend some quality time with the people on CR now... (IF YOU MUST QUOTE SOMEONE, DON'T QUOTE HER!)
Maybe I'll make friends, post the fic in "Present Testimony"... Or maybe I'll chicken out and wait until I've made this Miego wallpaper I had in mind to go showing myself off.
Um?
That was pretty much all about Phoenix Wright... OTL
I HURT.
D:
However I'm pretty sure I'm now obsessed with PW, specifically Trials and Tribulations. Even more specifically... Godot aka Diego. (I had a slash there a second ago, but then I thought, with all the Matt/Matt going around on CR... [Grr, Matt])
I HAD MY BRAIN CALL ME "KITTEN."
I'M NOT JOKING.
I THINK THE NEXT THING I WRITE SHOULD NOT BE A MIEGO, KTHX.
Just a thought. xD
Oh but it was funny. For a long time I was plugging wires into lightbulbs. Red and white wires. Oh yes. Redd White. It's funny how much more I FREAKING HATE HIM now that I've finished Trials & Tribs... (Ahahaha shipper.)
Also, since they were against a white background (of the fridges), I had a good chuckle (or two) over how impossible the job would be for Godot. 8D~
Other than all that fun, yesterday I finished...? that Miego I was writing... I'm not sure if I want to switch back to Mia's perspective... all it would be would be her freaking out, and is it really worth writing that...?
Is it really worth writing it at all? I'm reluctant to put it up anywhere because it seems like something that people have probably already written. :/ It's August 27th, did I mention that? (Failish euphemism is failish. It's long. And it seems awkward. Though I'll probably drop the month eventually.) (Shinanai no ni...) It's that, so I suspect people have written it already... Oh, but I want to post it. >< I almost want to send it to CR and at the same time ask why I can't register for the forums (I want to use those emoticonnnns! And and and ask about Elise's freaking hair color. o_O;;;;) OMG CANCEL LAST STATEMENT I CAN REGISTER NOW YAAAAAAAY
Um
That was slightly uncalled for...
Anyway, I can... I dunno. I'm going to go spend some quality time with the people on CR now... (IF YOU MUST QUOTE SOMEONE, DON'T QUOTE HER!)
Maybe I'll make friends, post the fic in "Present Testimony"... Or maybe I'll chicken out and wait until I've made this Miego wallpaper I had in mind to go showing myself off.
Um?
That was pretty much all about Phoenix Wright... OTL
6.15.2008
A TABLET IS SHIPPING TO MY HOUSE SOON.
Zomg yay.
Thanks R.B.!!
So today I replayed some of "Farewell, My Turnabout" (haaaaaaate Engarde), started a PW fanfiction (Miego angst, mwahahahaa), and started assigning songs to couples, pairs (as in, non-romantic sets of people), and people from Phoenix Wright. Also I watched my brother's soccer team win the tournament.
Tonight for family night, we are going to play Wii.
It'll be fun~~
Thanks R.B.!!
So today I replayed some of "Farewell, My Turnabout" (haaaaaaate Engarde), started a PW fanfiction (Miego angst, mwahahahaa), and started assigning songs to couples, pairs (as in, non-romantic sets of people), and people from Phoenix Wright. Also I watched my brother's soccer team win the tournament.
Tonight for family night, we are going to play Wii.
It'll be fun~~
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